Well... it's 4:08am on July 6, 2012 (Happy Birthday, Mom!). If you thought I usually ramble, let's try adding hormones, sleeplessness, and nausea and see what happens? This is the umpteeth time I find myself wide awake in the middle of the night after only a month of pregnancy, so I figure... why not put the time to some use, even just for some cathartic journaling on my part. By the time all of my masses *royal wave* read this good news, we will (prayerfully) be through the first trimester, so you can just play catch-up and read all these details to convince you that, yes, I'm pregnant, and no, I am not yanking all y'all's chains. So here we go:
07/06/12
Morning sweet baby,
It is very early in the morning; Mommy doesn't sleep very well anymore because I'm so hormonal. And, even though you're only like .5cm right now, you make me have to pee all the time. But that's OK, it just means you're growing, and I love that! Today, you are 4 weeks and 4 days! This was an exciting week for you, me, and Daddy- we went to the Dr on Monday and confirmed what the 3 pregnancy tests showed (I had to be thorough): you are here, and you're growing! Daddy & I have been trying to keep you a secret, but we told your Granny & Granddad, and Grandma & Grandpa, and all your aunts and uncles. You are already so loved and prayed for! I think announcing you was one of Grandma's favorite birthday presents ever- she has been waiting for you for some time, apparently :)
When Daddy & I first found out, we immediately went to the bookstore and loaded up on books to get us ready for you! We were so surprised, because we didn't think God would be so generous with us as soon as we began asking and praying for you. So we hope and pray that He will make us as ready and wise as you'll need us to be when we meet you face to face. We have lots of reading to do- I love finding out how you're growing each week, & knowing what foods to eat that will help keep you safe & strong; your Daddy is already such an amazing help! You'll love him, he's so sweet and comforting, and he'll help you with so many things as you get older.
It is a little scary, though, knowing you're inside me. I get paranoid if I feel too sick, and then even more paranoid if I don't feel sick at all. The first few days after I first found out you were here, I was happy!... but also confused that I didn't magically, immediately feel Mom-y. But I don't think that usually happens anyway. I want to be super-human and control everything for you: I want to make sure nothing bad happens, I want to keep you healthy & strong, I want you to know you're loved no matter what you'll look or act like, I want to protect you! But... God is good (and patient), and reminds me that, even if I could hold you in my arms, I can't control a single thing. I have a feeling He will be teaching me this for your (and my) entire life... especially in your teen years, God help us all. And if something bad or challenging does happen for you, I know it's because your spirit is so sweet that God wants you with Him soon; and maybe because He wants to spare you from some of the hurt that does happen in this world. I don't like thinking about that- but sometimes my mind wanders and I get panicked. This is the reality of life, and I'm so tempted to worry. But worrying won't protect you or keep you safe- so I can only trust that God will, in His own way. He is blessing me and your Daddy in learning how to be selfless, and gracious, and loving.
Daddy & I pray for you every night, and joke about all sorts of things. Daddy likes to come up with really weird names for you. Don't worry, we won't stick you with something you'll be made fun of. But for now, we have taken to calling you, 'Baby', 'the bug', or whatever other object our books compare your size with. (Next week will be a bean!) Mainly we're trying to just get everything as organized as we can before you arrive; I think once you do, you will bring a lot of fun, beautiful, and new un-organization.
Ok, it's almost 5am, and I am finally sleepy again. Before I started writing you, I was lying in bed thinking about a Broccoli Cheddar soup-bowl (with Caesar salad) from Panera... I have been hating the idea of food lately, but that sounds glorious, and I am making Daddy take us there tomorrow for a date. Love you, sweet bug!
--Mommy
07/11/12, 3:40am
Sweet Baby!
Daddy & I saw you on an ultrasound yesterday! We were able to see your beating little heart- we were so happy and surprised. You are five weeks old, which is when your little heart was supposed to finish forming and begin pumping- we were so thrilled to see for ourselves! We are more and more excited.
Last night we told some of our neighbors and friends when they came over for dinner- everyone screamed and laughed with happiness! You already have such a fan-club- I hope it doesn't go to your head... :)
It makes me so happy to know that you're growing strong. My nausea is pretty constant throughout the day- but it's a sweet reminder to me that you're healthy! I would much rather have that than not. The only true unfortunate part is the headaches- I think that's just from how I've been sleeping (or not sleeping). Daddy went and bought some Tylenol, but I'm trying not to take much medicine while you're growing.
Food is such a huge/odd part of pregnancy. Unfortunately, everything looks awful. The books say to more snack/graze throughout the entire day, instead of eat big meals. This definitely helps with the nausea. But it's a challenging task, to open the fridge 15 times a day, only to gag and the sight of everything. I told your Daddy we need to just spend a weekend cooking up lots of yummy veggies, so all I have to do is mindlessly warm up meals, instead of having to stare at it all, make my choice, then stare at it some more as I prepare it. Bleck. My very favorite snack is some whole wheat toast with cream cheese. I could eat cream cheese all day if you let me- I wonder if you'll like it when you grow up?
Daddy & I are so excited to meet you!! I told him that I've watched friends go through their pregnancies, and I'm always surprised at how quickly the time seems to pass- 9 months & poof: a baby. I kinda assumed it would be the same feeling. But then I told your Daddy, I don't think it's the same when you're the one who has to battle the morning sickness each day... eh well :) I know we probably need all the time we can get to prepare for your sweet arrival!
This past weekend Daddy & I painted your nursery- "peanut butter". Grandma is going to have a hayday getting the room ready- I'm sure you'll love it! We will put all sorts of colorful things in there to mesmerize your little eyes. Eyes! I wonder what color they will be! I kind of hope that they will be blue- I love your Daddy's eyes. All of his family has blue/green eyes. Your Daddy loves my eyes, though- he says they're exotic (apparently), haha. I like the way that sounds. I think whatever color they will be, they will be perfectly you, and perfectly beautiful!
It was so fun to have all our friends over last night- you will have so many buddies to play with, as soon as you come out! You will have a few older, wiser toddlers to show you the ropes. But you will also have baby Sierra & Baby Evan as comrades in... swaddling cloths...? It's kind of amazing to realize how many people already love you and look forward to seeing you. We are truly humbled and blessed by you.
I love you, little baby. When I first found out I was pregnant, I wondered if, or how, or when I'd learn to love you. But I love knowing that you're part of me & your Daddy; I wonder what kind of combination you will be! I could think on that all day. I will try to get back to sleep, and let that thought carry me away into dreams of you...
--Mommy
07/20/12, 4:25am
My little love,
I think you must be on some sort of timer- I always wake up at 3:00am! I've already been up a while; poor Daddy has 'a throat', and isn't sleeping well. I already wasn't sleeping well, but I think the snoring/tossing is making it impossible. I would rather come out here and write you a tiny bit :)
You are almost 7 weeks old now! We are officially half-way through the first trimester. I can't believe it! We haven't had as many milestones since last week when we went to the doctor for the ultrasound. I have an appointment a week from today- we're so looking forward to it: we get to see you again!! You are growing so quickly each week. You are probably over .5inch now- that's a lot of growing for just a couple of weeks. Right now your ears are developing- so cool! Daddy & I will talk to you all the time- I can't wait to play music for you! I wonder if certain kinds of music/noise/voices will make you move more. I will definitely be one of those moms-to-be who put headphones on their stomachs and play classical music for you. Don't worry, I'll throw in some Baroque, Romantic, Neo-Classical and 20th Century for your added benefit- don't want to keep you from being well-rounded! haha :) Don't worry, I'll play all sorts of stuff for you- but I draw the line at Justin Beiber & Miley Cyrus. Sorry...
I was reading this National Geographic book called "In The Womb"- I am astounded on a whole new level at the miraculous mystery of having you inside of me. The book described that- chemically- our bodies would immediately fight & kill any form of growth that contains tissue with a different genetic makeup than our own, were it to begin growing inside your body. The fact that your genetic makeup is a combination of mine and Daddy's, and is technically equivalent to a tumor in way of extra-genetic growth, yet you're able to survive is straight up insanely miraculous. Apparently you are able to survive because the very end of the placenta carries "Major Histo(tissue)compatibility Complex" (MHC-G) molecules that helps hide your DNA's "other-ness" from the rest of my body's immune's system...?!?!? I don't know how people can not believe in Something divine when they truly see and learn about the human body and birth.
Ok my sweet baby- I think I am finally feeling sleepy again. Luckily I am not working tomorrow, so I can hopefully rest a little longer in the morning. I love you!! I love you so, so much, and I hope you're growing strong and healthily.
--Mommy
09/06/12, 11:05am
BABY!
You've been so sweet, letting me sleep the past couple of months.
Today you are 15 weeks and 2 days; you are about 4.5in and weigh roughly 1.75ounces! You fatty :) The book says you're the size of a softball! Whoa. I am surprised I am not showing more, but I'm definitely beginning to show. Or... at least I can't wear "normal" clothes any more. By the end of this week you will be almost 3oz, the size of my "hand opened wide"! That's a lot of growing :) Good going, baby.
I had a dream last night that I could feel you moving! It was just a dream, though. I can't wait to feel you move!!! Any week now...
Well, Baby, the idea of you arriving seems more and more real. I love it! And I love you so much- I think about you all the time! We are officially in the 2nd trimester- we announced you to the whole world a couple of weeks ago! Such a fun, exciting day. You have so many people who love you already.
Daddy and I (...mainly I) have a pre-baby To-Do List that we (I) are really concerned about accomplishing ASAP. Daddy is fantastic and does all the grunt work. I basically just stress out that it's not all magically finished. I believe they call it "nesting". But, on the bright side, I finally feel more like myself again! I think I had the first trimester relatively easy, compared to some women; but I was definitely exhausted, frumpy, & sick-feeling all the time. I didn't mind it too much, though- it just always reminded me that you were growing; that made it all worth it! But I'm OK with not feeling that way now :) I know you're still growing, because now I have to pee even more often in the middle of the night. I've never been a middle-of-the-night-potty-breaker. Also, apparently my body is producing a bunch of stuff called Relaxin, which is making all of my bones and ligaments loosey goosey because you are growing so much you're pushing all of my organs up into my torso. What the heck, that is insane. That just boggles my mind. It also makes my back/tailbone really sore, because it's not all sturdy and in-place the way it usually is. I think this means I need more massages... darn... :)
So, Baby, guess what?? You are either a boy or girl!! News to you, right? Well, we don't know which one you are yet, but in a few weeks, we're gonna find out!!! I think we're going to have a gender reveal party; Daddy and I want to be surprised with everyone else, so we're going to tell our Dr. to write down what your junk is, so to speak. I'm pretty sure about 92% of every single person we've asked thinks you're a girl. If you're a boy, I hope you're not offended.
Grandma is so. excited. I think she's physically in pain not having purchased you any clothing yet. Granny and Granddad got you this super cute duckie onsie. I think it will fit you right around Easter time- how cute will you be?? Also, I got you this TOTALLY AWESOME Tommy Trojan onesie.
When you are about 6mo old, Daddy and I will teach you all about this very, very special thing called USC Football. It is a magical time of year, much like your birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving. You will get to wear all sorts of cute things like jerseys, your Tommy Trojan onsie, and (depending on the whole boy/girl situation), USC cheer outfits. Or more jerseys. We'll see.
Daddy and I are just so excited to meet you. I wonder all the time what combination of me and your daddy you will be. Will you be quiet and intuitive? Will you be loud and rambunctious? Will your hair curl? Will you be chubby?... I'm fairly certain of that one- you'll just have to see pictures of me and your daddy. I don't think you have much of a choice. I just can't wait to see your little face for the first time. It will be a dream come true. Daddy is so excited to see the way you respond to his voice. It's so wild to me that you will already know who we are when we see you for the first time.
Ok, my little love. I have to get ready to work. I love you, I love you, I love you.
--Mommy
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