Dancing In The Mine Fields

I heard a song on our local Christian radio station yesterday, and I think it immediately became one of my all-time favorites. Take a listen to Andrew Peterson's Dancing In The Mine Fields:

Awesome, right? I mean, it first caught my ear because I dig the acoustic sound, and I'm trying to figure out that picking style on the guitar. But as I continued to listen to the lyrics I thought, "these are really deep, and rarely poignant".

Marriage = dancing in a mine field. It's not that this is the first time I've heard that sort of analogy. It's just that usually it's more satiric or tongue in cheek. But Peterson is calling it for what it is: a risk. 

I suppose you could say that Ben & I are really young- 26 and 23. We both happened to be some of the firsts in our circle of friends to get married (although over the past year we've had a great number of our friends jump in, yaay). And compared to California, Texas seems to one of those states where the marriage age is younger than anywhere else. 

So, I've had a couple of friends ask me, "I mean, how did you know that Ben was 'The One'??" Or more interestingly, "but how do you know it will work out?? Like, how do you know it won't fall apart years down the road?" Well... this is my response to those questions:

We live in an imperfect world, and unfortunately we are imperfect people. This means that we get hurt & disappointed... and we hurt and disappoint others. Even the ones we love. Saying "I Do" under the stipulations that you & your spouse are exempt from hurt and disappointment is setting yourself up for a very frustrating- and probably short- marriage. Saying "I Do... 'til death do us part" (I believe) means choosing to stay together, and to act lovingly... even when you don't feel that way.

Which is why I believe marriage truly is- as Peterson puts- like dancing through a mine field... intentionally. Some might call that setting yourself up for hurt and disappointment. I can understand that. Because I guess in some ways, those are inevitable 'mines' that blow up in our faces. That's one way to view it...

But the other side of the coin is realizing the opportunity we have to become better people, by choosing to live- for better or worse- with your spouse. 

Might it be true that I'm defensive and critical of my husband, because I let my fears guide my thoughts?

Yeah.

Might it be true that Ben is a man and doesn't speak 100,000 words a day, and sometimes all I want out of my evening is some adult conversation and interaction, without vegging in front of the TV??

Yes. Ma'am.

Might it be true that the only way to keep our marriage growing is through us learning to treat each other with grace?

Hecks yes.

These are the things we're learning. People complain all the time about how crappy this world is, and how selfish everyone is, and how it's all going down the drain. Well, being married has opened my eyes to how very selfish and crappy I can be at times. I think if we really want this to be a better world, everyone should just get married! ...Ok, maybe not.

Ben & I are approaching our very First Anniversary as Mr. & Mrs. Jennings. Cute, I know :) We have no idea what we're doing, really. All we really know is that giving up isn't an option for us. That, and this whole marriage thing is refining as heck. There are days when I feel like there are more mines, more risks, more hurts than others. But I'm positive Ben feels the same just as often (...maybe a little more, haha). 

But I think the most encouraging thought through all of that... is that I'm dancing through it all with him. I can't imagine attempting all this craziness with someone else... and I don't want to. I didn't have some shining, Ta-Da, this is your future moment when Ben & I were dating. I just remember thinking "I want to go through life's hardest parts with him". And I still want that. Experiencing the rougher parts of life with Ben is helping me to be patient, kind, selfless... and to not think of every irrational emotion I experience as reality, for Pete's sake. Thank. The. Lord.

We may be young. We may not know what we're doin. And we definitely hurt and disappoint each other at times. But... heck, we're dancing up a storm in this here mine field, and I'm having the time of my life.

Love you, Ben- you make every day a little brighter, through His love and grace

April 2, 2010