See Through My Eyes

Well Howdy!

We're a week into Lent- and that's a week of no facebook/TV. It's been... interesting. Surprisingly frustrating, to be honest. Especially now that it's Spring Break, and all of the sudden I have the time to waste and vegge away. 

But I'm actually kinda thankful that I'm not spending the entire day in front of a screen.

I have, though, been going through a huge chunk of my pictures on our computer. Our small group has begun sharing our Life Stories... yes, it's exactly what it sounds like: terrifyingly exciting. I'm not gonna lie- I've been kinda pumped to show pictures and talk about childhood... then I think about other parts of my life, and the 'terrifying' part sets in. But, I'm excited nonetheless. 

Anyhoo- I've been digging through a lot of pictures, trying to find ones that epitomize various stages of my life, and have come upon a handful that I think are pretty awesome (if I do say so myself). So... enjoy!

Chad- Yosemite Nat. Park, CA 2006

 

Los Angeles Port, CA 2007

I took a sailing trip to Catalina Island for a sailing class I was in with my roommates Matty, & Michelle

 

 

 Tori, Houston, TX- summer 2008

 

Chad, Houston, TX- summer 2008

I can't remember which book... just liked the picture

NYC subway, summer 2008

 

NYC, Empire State Building- summer, 2008

  

Land of 1000 Hills, Durban, South Africa- traditional Zulu wedding

summer 2008

 

Durban, South Africa- summer 2008

  

some of the most breathtaking sunsets I've ever witnessed were in South Africa

 

see? Safari- South Africa, summer 2008

 

 

there's a LION behind me!!

 

He'd just eaten so... we weren't worried about him getting us... not too worried, that is.

 

this pic may be illegal- Disney Concert Hall, Los Angeles, CA

I performed here several times with the Idyllwild Music Festival

 

pensive monkey- LA Zoo, 2008/9

 

LA skyline- one of the clearest I ever saw; from Griffith Observatory, LA

 

sunset from Griffith Observatory, LA, Ca 2009 (I think...)

 

Wild clouds at Griffith

 

Texas Capitol Building, Austin, TX- spring 2009

 

same

 

 

friend, Deals/Kari- Austin, Tx 2009

 

 

bluebonnets- Texas State Flower- at Washington on the Brazos

where Texas won its independence from Mexico

Spring 2009

Chad- railroad tracks in Tomball, TX, spring 2009

 

 

Yosemite, CA; summer 2005

 

 

eek, I can't remember the bridge's name

Rome, Italy, across from St. Peter's Basillica 

Spring 2009

 

St. Peter's in the distance; viewed from Spanish Steps, Rome, Italy

Spring 2009

 

same bridge as earlier- one of my favorite pictures

 

 

 

 

 

tulips from garden at Villa D'este, Italy 2009

 

this picture just makes me giggle

Tori, at Minute Maid Park, Astros Game, summer 2009

 

the day My Love proposed

July 25, 2009

Milton Rimer's Ranch, Austin, TX

 

**can't take credit for this photo: Ed Kelley Photography**

but I do love it- our wedding day, April 2, 2010

some of my best & dearest friends:

Matty, Andrea, Jenna, Amy, Sarah, Kari, Tori 

 

**Ed Kelley Photography**

wedding day :)

Cadburry Eggs & Facebook

Well friends, the Lenten season is upon is, as of tomorrow, Ash Wednesday.

I've never actually given anything up for Lent before, or seriously mediated on its purpose. Our small group, though, finished the book The Gospel According to Jesus (by Chris Seay) this past week, and the last chapter was chock full of wonderful, challenging insight. In Seay's last section, he outlines 10 'commandments' or ideas to try incorporating into our lives, in efforts to experience greater Shalom, or peace through God's work in our lives.

Two of the ideas were Fasting, and Feasting. These are two concepts which I hadn't really given significant time to in my life either. But in reading this chapter, I see how closely they are related, and how truly maturing they can be for us. 

I'm not going to preach here, or give some long-winded explanation of these concepts. Just the things I feel like Ben & I are learning about them. When most people hear 'Fasting', I suppose they usually think in relation to food, and for the purposes of getting an answer prayerfully... or maybe a spiritually cloaked "diet" :)

But I realized there are a plethora of reasons to fast, and to fast from a plethora of things. Why, you ask? Well for right now, we want to experience more consistently genuine gratitude to God for His unending provisions. Removing something we take too often for granted causes us to realign our sight on Him- because He's the one providing in the first place. 

By the same token, fasting frees us to feast genuinely on the blessings He pours out on us. Seay described a really touching story about Mother Theresa in the Feasting section. In her journal entries, she confesses to living decades of her life not feeling loved by God. Surprising, right? Almost heartwrenching- coming from one of our world's most "godly", good people. Her confession proves that God's purpose for us does not equate to giving up everything we want. He gave His Son for us so that we could live joyfully, abundant lives- remembering His provision and grace. 

Well, Ben & I have been thinking it over, and we each have some things we feel distract us. It's not that these things are inherently bad... they just take up time. Too much time. For Ben, it's TV in the evening, after work. For me... it's Facebook in the mornings before work. When we invest in those things, two hours can go by and all of the sudden we think, "wait, what happened to the time??" I find it funny, because Ben never uses Facebook, and I hardly ever watch TV (except when I'm folding laundry... which, let's be honest, never happens) i.e.

yes. That is 2+ basket's worth of laundry.

And yes, that takes up almost the entire width of our fullsize couch.

Do not judge.

So friends... for the next 40 days, we will not be watching television. And I will not be seen on Facebook- although I'll try to blog some of my thoughts through it all, and I can post them on FB so y'all can see. We hope to use up the extra time talking, reading, and enjoying each others company more cognitively. Oh, and eating Cadburry Eggs- because obviously that needs to happen. 

On a completely unrelated note, Brandi weighs 22.8 lbs as of yesterday.

Ben & I can hardly believe how quickly she's grown. 

Brandi will not be taking part in the Cadburry Egg consumption- she needs to watch her girlish figure, clearly... but we're going to attempt evening walks/runs together, replacing some of the TV time as well. I think all around it will be a beneficial Lenten season. 

Anyone else joining us in this celebration of Lent??

Dancing In The Mine Fields

I heard a song on our local Christian radio station yesterday, and I think it immediately became one of my all-time favorites. Take a listen to Andrew Peterson's Dancing In The Mine Fields:

Awesome, right? I mean, it first caught my ear because I dig the acoustic sound, and I'm trying to figure out that picking style on the guitar. But as I continued to listen to the lyrics I thought, "these are really deep, and rarely poignant".

Marriage = dancing in a mine field. It's not that this is the first time I've heard that sort of analogy. It's just that usually it's more satiric or tongue in cheek. But Peterson is calling it for what it is: a risk. 

I suppose you could say that Ben & I are really young- 26 and 23. We both happened to be some of the firsts in our circle of friends to get married (although over the past year we've had a great number of our friends jump in, yaay). And compared to California, Texas seems to one of those states where the marriage age is younger than anywhere else. 

So, I've had a couple of friends ask me, "I mean, how did you know that Ben was 'The One'??" Or more interestingly, "but how do you know it will work out?? Like, how do you know it won't fall apart years down the road?" Well... this is my response to those questions:

We live in an imperfect world, and unfortunately we are imperfect people. This means that we get hurt & disappointed... and we hurt and disappoint others. Even the ones we love. Saying "I Do" under the stipulations that you & your spouse are exempt from hurt and disappointment is setting yourself up for a very frustrating- and probably short- marriage. Saying "I Do... 'til death do us part" (I believe) means choosing to stay together, and to act lovingly... even when you don't feel that way.

Which is why I believe marriage truly is- as Peterson puts- like dancing through a mine field... intentionally. Some might call that setting yourself up for hurt and disappointment. I can understand that. Because I guess in some ways, those are inevitable 'mines' that blow up in our faces. That's one way to view it...

But the other side of the coin is realizing the opportunity we have to become better people, by choosing to live- for better or worse- with your spouse. 

Might it be true that I'm defensive and critical of my husband, because I let my fears guide my thoughts?

Yeah.

Might it be true that Ben is a man and doesn't speak 100,000 words a day, and sometimes all I want out of my evening is some adult conversation and interaction, without vegging in front of the TV??

Yes. Ma'am.

Might it be true that the only way to keep our marriage growing is through us learning to treat each other with grace?

Hecks yes.

These are the things we're learning. People complain all the time about how crappy this world is, and how selfish everyone is, and how it's all going down the drain. Well, being married has opened my eyes to how very selfish and crappy I can be at times. I think if we really want this to be a better world, everyone should just get married! ...Ok, maybe not.

Ben & I are approaching our very First Anniversary as Mr. & Mrs. Jennings. Cute, I know :) We have no idea what we're doing, really. All we really know is that giving up isn't an option for us. That, and this whole marriage thing is refining as heck. There are days when I feel like there are more mines, more risks, more hurts than others. But I'm positive Ben feels the same just as often (...maybe a little more, haha). 

But I think the most encouraging thought through all of that... is that I'm dancing through it all with him. I can't imagine attempting all this craziness with someone else... and I don't want to. I didn't have some shining, Ta-Da, this is your future moment when Ben & I were dating. I just remember thinking "I want to go through life's hardest parts with him". And I still want that. Experiencing the rougher parts of life with Ben is helping me to be patient, kind, selfless... and to not think of every irrational emotion I experience as reality, for Pete's sake. Thank. The. Lord.

We may be young. We may not know what we're doin. And we definitely hurt and disappoint each other at times. But... heck, we're dancing up a storm in this here mine field, and I'm having the time of my life.

Love you, Ben- you make every day a little brighter, through His love and grace

April 2, 2010