Well hello, 2014. I have no idea where you came from. Oh, we're almost 2 weeks in, you say? Yeaaaaah, I've been hiding under the rock I call motherhood. It's a wonderful rock; but not exactly conducive to social networking or... social anything, really.
So with that said, I'm just going to jump in. It would take far too much time to give a complete update. (I'm a mom. Ben has a new job and is a wonderful Daddy. David is 10.5 months old. The dog gets way less attention. That's the Jennings in a nutshell.)
But the reason I am making time to sit here is this: I want to be a better person; a better wife, a better mom, a better friend, even a better acquaintance. Today we went to church. It was one of those times where you leave feeling empowered, filled with a knowing that maybe things haven't been the way they should in the recent past, but you're inspired and excited to see things change. One of the key points that hit home for me was this:
1. Not letting your reputation be Better than what you actually are**
also
2. Living in a way that really only revolves around me, is pretty much always going to make me fail at #1.
That's what I interpreted from it, and the many other beautiful, encouraging words. ANYway, point being this: I am a negative person. In this day and age, it's so easy to hide behind profile pictures and status changes, instagrams and screens. And- let's be honest- most of us are obviously going to announce and share the fun, good, happy, amazing things that are going on in our life. And that's great. But sometimes it projects a better idea of our realities. And for those of us who are lonely or overwhelmed, disappointed and bitter, overweight and trying, broke and directionless, or maybe rich but sorely unfulfilled... seeing the array of amazingness online is like a punch in the gut. And I am totally guilty of this.
I am totally cool with acknowledging the happy-feel-good moments in my life (yes, for the most part, David is as happy as he looks in the pictures). But the reality is that the past few months have been really hard. And for various reasons. But it's been hard. And I try- I really, really do- to sit down and be intentionally thankful. And that totally helps me get my mind straight. But when the s*** hits the fan- even in the smallest of ways- I am not a very nice person to be around. I get grumpy and scared and it makes me angry and defensive and more grumpy. It's just not pretty. I turn into a not as nice wife, because I don't know how to fight healthily. And a very overwhelmed/impatient mom. And an absent and/or self-absorbed friend. And you know what?... I'm just really tired of that being SO easy to do! I feel like the more that happens, the harder it is to recover and come down from it.
"That which we refuse to give thanks for, we do not believe God can redeem" --Ann Voskamp
This idea is inspiring me to try something new. I've heard of a lot of people doing "365 Day Projects", where they take a picture of something they're thankful for. I think that's great. But to be honest, I do try to give thanks often; where I really struggle is trusting God with my mundane disappointments. I fail big-time when something doesn't go the way I want or expect, or when I get overwhelmed with all the To-Do's of life, and I just begrudgingly hock it up to God "stretching" me. And I desperately want Him to change my attitude in that. I really, really do.
Maybe this is where you roll your eyes and think, "*barf* churchy talk". But I think we can all agree that learning (b/c it OBVIOUSLY isn't coming naturally) to be grateful for the good and the bad (even the ugly), really makes us better people. Better husband and wives. Better fathers and mothers. Better friends. Better coworkers. Learning to rely on the concept of a Bigger Than My-Life Purpose can really reshape our attitudes. So this year, my main "resolution" is to learn to not just thank God for the many, many, MANY blessings in my life. But to thank him for the things that I think are ugly. Or difficult. Or annoying. I want to thank Him in the midst of that ugliness. And not just a mindless, "thanks for this awful day, God" (can you hear the sarcasm in that?). But a genuine, thoughtful reflection on why these things- these kinda annoying, uncomfortable, want-to-pull-your-hair-out things- can actually be beautiful.
So long story short, I will be attempting a "365 Days of Ugly Project". Because I want to be real. I want to be genuine. And I don't want my reputation to be better than what I actually am. I want to point others to a life-changing, bigger-than-my-life idea of Hope. I want to thank God for the things that really hurt me... because I really, really want to believe He can redeem them.
** Disclaimer: since I'm still trying to figure out this mom gig & am not online as much, I don't promise a pic-post every day, but hopefully at least once/twice a week. I hope you are encouraged, and made to feel like you aren't alone**
So with that said, I'm just going to jump in. It would take far too much time to give a complete update. (I'm a mom. Ben has a new job and is a wonderful Daddy. David is 10.5 months old. The dog gets way less attention. That's the Jennings in a nutshell.)
But the reason I am making time to sit here is this: I want to be a better person; a better wife, a better mom, a better friend, even a better acquaintance. Today we went to church. It was one of those times where you leave feeling empowered, filled with a knowing that maybe things haven't been the way they should in the recent past, but you're inspired and excited to see things change. One of the key points that hit home for me was this:
1. Not letting your reputation be Better than what you actually are**
also
2. Living in a way that really only revolves around me, is pretty much always going to make me fail at #1.
That's what I interpreted from it, and the many other beautiful, encouraging words. ANYway, point being this: I am a negative person. In this day and age, it's so easy to hide behind profile pictures and status changes, instagrams and screens. And- let's be honest- most of us are obviously going to announce and share the fun, good, happy, amazing things that are going on in our life. And that's great. But sometimes it projects a better idea of our realities. And for those of us who are lonely or overwhelmed, disappointed and bitter, overweight and trying, broke and directionless, or maybe rich but sorely unfulfilled... seeing the array of amazingness online is like a punch in the gut. And I am totally guilty of this.
I am totally cool with acknowledging the happy-feel-good moments in my life (yes, for the most part, David is as happy as he looks in the pictures). But the reality is that the past few months have been really hard. And for various reasons. But it's been hard. And I try- I really, really do- to sit down and be intentionally thankful. And that totally helps me get my mind straight. But when the s*** hits the fan- even in the smallest of ways- I am not a very nice person to be around. I get grumpy and scared and it makes me angry and defensive and more grumpy. It's just not pretty. I turn into a not as nice wife, because I don't know how to fight healthily. And a very overwhelmed/impatient mom. And an absent and/or self-absorbed friend. And you know what?... I'm just really tired of that being SO easy to do! I feel like the more that happens, the harder it is to recover and come down from it.
"That which we refuse to give thanks for, we do not believe God can redeem" --Ann Voskamp
This idea is inspiring me to try something new. I've heard of a lot of people doing "365 Day Projects", where they take a picture of something they're thankful for. I think that's great. But to be honest, I do try to give thanks often; where I really struggle is trusting God with my mundane disappointments. I fail big-time when something doesn't go the way I want or expect, or when I get overwhelmed with all the To-Do's of life, and I just begrudgingly hock it up to God "stretching" me. And I desperately want Him to change my attitude in that. I really, really do.
Maybe this is where you roll your eyes and think, "*barf* churchy talk". But I think we can all agree that learning (b/c it OBVIOUSLY isn't coming naturally) to be grateful for the good and the bad (even the ugly), really makes us better people. Better husband and wives. Better fathers and mothers. Better friends. Better coworkers. Learning to rely on the concept of a Bigger Than My-Life Purpose can really reshape our attitudes. So this year, my main "resolution" is to learn to not just thank God for the many, many, MANY blessings in my life. But to thank him for the things that I think are ugly. Or difficult. Or annoying. I want to thank Him in the midst of that ugliness. And not just a mindless, "thanks for this awful day, God" (can you hear the sarcasm in that?). But a genuine, thoughtful reflection on why these things- these kinda annoying, uncomfortable, want-to-pull-your-hair-out things- can actually be beautiful.
So long story short, I will be attempting a "365 Days of Ugly Project". Because I want to be real. I want to be genuine. And I don't want my reputation to be better than what I actually am. I want to point others to a life-changing, bigger-than-my-life idea of Hope. I want to thank God for the things that really hurt me... because I really, really want to believe He can redeem them.
** Disclaimer: since I'm still trying to figure out this mom gig & am not online as much, I don't promise a pic-post every day, but hopefully at least once/twice a week. I hope you are encouraged, and made to feel like you aren't alone**
